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Post by evospi on Jul 28, 2006 21:36:00 GMT
I checked out that site today before I came to this thread - How To Be a Ninja was good!!
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dannz
Chief Marshall
Posts: 101
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Post by dannz on Aug 4, 2006 5:41:15 GMT
Heres one I heard at school: A mother is talking to her children, when one of her young daughters ask her "Why is my name Rose?" the mother replies "because a rose petal dropped on your nose when you were born." Then her second daughter asks "Why am I called Daffodill?" The mother replies "Because a daffodill fell on your face when you were born." Then her son bursts in screaming "DOOP POOP amPOdv ngdl!!!!!" then the mother says" Shut up Fridge!" its funnier when you tell someone it in person.
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Post by Hurricane on Aug 5, 2006 13:21:23 GMT
Haha Wonderfull! ;D
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dannz
Chief Marshall
Posts: 101
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Post by dannz on Aug 14, 2006 10:04:16 GMT
More jokes people please! (or have we all ran out? )
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Post by Vivski on Aug 14, 2006 10:25:35 GMT
What do you call a broken escalator? stairs
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RJ
Chief Marshall
Posts: 124
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Post by RJ on Aug 19, 2006 11:36:45 GMT
What did the fish say when it swam into a concrete wall?
Dam!
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dannz
Chief Marshall
Posts: 101
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Post by dannz on Aug 27, 2006 3:48:36 GMT
Why did the idiot climb over the glass wall?
To see what was on the other side.
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Post by Hurricane on Sept 1, 2006 18:39:18 GMT
Offensive to women:
When is the only time a woman says something sensible?
When she starts her sentence with "My husband has said that..."
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Post by Hurricane on Sept 2, 2006 18:43:00 GMT
I've translated the most famous e-mail in Belgium and Holland, the reaction to chain mails, from Dutch to English.
(I hope you all know what a chain mail is, if not, read this and you'll get the picture.)
Have fun!
***
Hi, my name is Bart. I suffer from several rare and deadly diseases, weak scores on exams, extreme virginity, fear to be kidnapped and being executed by an anal electroshock and guilty of not forwarding somewhat 50 billion stupid chain e-mails, send to me by people who think that when you forward them to others, enough money can be raised for a poor little 6 year old child with a nipple on its forehead, to amputate this before its parents sell it to the travelling freak show.
Do you really believe that Bill Gates will give 1000 dollars to you and everyone else who you forward this mail to? What’s your IQ? No MP3-player either…!!!
OOOHHHH LOOK AT THIS! If you scroll down this page and make a wish, you will have sex with all the Playboy models on earth! Bullsh*t! In fact, this message is just a big F*CK YOU to all the people that don’t have anything better to do than sending me such stupid chain mail forwards.
Probably the evil chain mail ghosts will now come crawling under my bed and put me under a spell in my sleep because I interrupted a chain mail started by Allah himself in the year 20, brought to his land by a bunch of frustrated pilgrims. If the mail reaches the year 2000, it will appear in the 'Guinness Book Of World Records' for the longest lasting insolent insanity. F*ck them.
If you want to forward something, please let it be a ‘little’ amusing. I’ve had enough of “send this to 50 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some omniscient being”. I don’t give a f*ck!
Come on, show a little sign of intelligence and think about what your real contribution to life is by sending all these forwards. And it gives your popularity a big knock.
AND NOW, THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN E-MAILS:
Chain mail type 1: (scroll down)
Make a wish.
No seriously, make a wish
Come on, you don’t believe that yourself? Wish something else!
NO YOU FILTHY PERSON!
Are you already feeling tingles in your fingers?
STOP!!!!
Funny isn’t it?
Ok, I hope you made a good wish! Now, to let you feel guilty first, we need to do this:
If you don’t send this to 5096 friends in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped by an insane goat and you will be pushed out of an apartment building into a large pile of sh*t. Really! Because THIS mail isn’t like all those other fake mails, THIS one is REAL! Honest!!
This is what’s going to happen:
*Send this to one person: Then one person will be pissed at you for sending a stupid chain mail. *Send this to 2 – 5 persons: Then 2 – 5 persons will be pissed at you for sending a stupid chain mail. *Send this to 5 – 10 persons: Then 5 – 10 persons will be pissed at you for sending a stupid chain mail and will probably complot against you. *Send this to 10 – 20 persons: Then 10 – 20 persons will be pissed at you for sending a stupid chain mail and will probably come and bomb your house.
Thanks! GOOD LUCK!!!
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Chain mail type 2:
Hello, and thanks for reading this e-mail. Look, there is a poor little dying boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen without arms, legs, or parents. This little boy’s life can be saved! For each mail you forward, 1 dollar will be send to the AFPLBWPIB (Association For Poor Little Boys With Problems In Baklaliviatatlaglooshen). AND don’t forget, we don’t have ANY technique with which we can count the sent forwards, so this is an adult portion of bullsh*t. But don’t bother about this! Go on, reach out. Send this to 5 persons in the next 47 seconds. LOOK OUT!! If you ssend this ‘by accident’ to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly.
THANKS!!
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Chain mail type 3:
Hello there! This chain mail has been started in 1897. This is absolutely amazing, because then e-mail didn’t exist yet, and there probably weren’t any silly persons that have nothing else to do. This is how it works: Send this to minimum 15067 of your closest friends in the next 7 minutes or something terrifying will happen to you.
Peculiar horror story 1
Mariëtte DeVreese was walking home on Saturday. She received this letter before and ignored it. SUDDENLY she stepped into a hole in the sidewalk, fell into the sewers, was spit out by the drainpipe and flew with an elegant arch into a huge pile of sh*t. She smelled worryingly and if that wasn’t just enough, she died… THIS CAN HAPPEN TO YOU TOO!!!
Peculiar horror story 2
Gregory LeGrande, a 13 year old boy, received this e-mail and ignored it. Somewhat later that day, he and his friend were painfully approached by a car. Both died, went to hell, and were forced to eat filthy, stinking cats until eternity. THIS CAN HAPPEN TO YOU TOO!!!
So… watch out, you too can end up like one of these 2 poor souls. Just send this mail to all your friends, and you will be fine.
--------------------------------------
Chain mail type 4:
If I may, this is a poem I wrote myself. Send this to all your friends.
Friends A friend is somebody that is always by your side. A friend is somebody that cares about you, even if you smell like sh*t and your breath smells like 2 years old cat feed. A friend is somebody that cares about you, even if you are as ugly as a bus full of *ssh*les. A friend is somebody that stays with you the whole night while you are crying out loud about your pathetic little life. A friend is someone that makes you think that people like you, even if there is a general wish that you will be raped by a mentally disturbed chimpanzee and that you’ll be thrown in front of evil dogs afterwards. A friend is someone that, for your toilet, scrubs it, cleans it, and…. Hmmm… Never mind… A friend is NOT someone that dedicates his time to forward chain mails because he wants that his most precious wish to get rich will be fulfilled.
SO FORWARD THIS E-MAIL!
If you don’t do it, you won’t have any sex anymore.
----------------------------------------------------
Am I clear? So, in the future, if you get any chain mail that will "change your life drastically", just delete it then. If it’s funny, then forward it! But don’t give people guilt feelings about things they can’t change themselves. It’s sad, those starving, pathetic looking, sick little kids. But please, use your common sense! Promised?
*******************************************************************
AND NOW!!! SEND THIS MAIL TO AS MANY PEOPLE AS POSSIBLE, ELSE YOU WILL BE OBLIGED TO OBSERVE ME NAKED!
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dannz
Chief Marshall
Posts: 101
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Post by dannz on Sept 2, 2006 23:51:02 GMT
lol thats funny as Hurricane
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Post by Roo on Sept 5, 2006 12:27:18 GMT
DAVE: Bob? When you went out to put up that new sign this mornin', how many drinks did you have durin' the smoko? BOB: Duh...Dunno Dave, why?
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dannz
Chief Marshall
Posts: 101
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Post by dannz on Sept 6, 2006 5:21:52 GMT
lol Did you take that photo?
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Post by Roo on Sept 6, 2006 7:21:35 GMT
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dannz
Chief Marshall
Posts: 101
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Post by dannz on Sept 6, 2006 8:23:35 GMT
hehe I can tell thats in rural Victoria,You can tell by the sign in the background.
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Post by Danii on Sept 6, 2006 11:49:22 GMT
That's funny. ;D ;D A really good pic. ;D ;D
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