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Post by evospi on Apr 4, 2006 12:41:18 GMT
Previous Joke ThreadI think this is a good idea and should be made a sticky. I'll start first: A redneck American was driving his 1946 rear-engined VW Beetle along a deserted path when it sputtered and broke down. Dismayed, he went to the front and opened the bonnet. Surprised, he exclaimed, "Ah I've got no engine - that must be why my car stopped working!" While he was trying to work out a solution a fellow redneck with the same car passed and parked along to assist. When the first redneck explained his problem the second said, "That's all?! Sure I can help. I have an extra engine in the back so you can have that one!"
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Post by OverSauron on Apr 4, 2006 12:54:42 GMT
I already started the similar thread...
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Post by Curt on Apr 4, 2006 23:24:36 GMT
Sounds like a good idea Igor, I have linked the thread you started in the first post.
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Post by Hurricane on Apr 5, 2006 10:25:38 GMT
What's a Lada Sport?
A Lada with a tennisball on the caravan coupling! ;D
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Post by evospi on Apr 5, 2006 11:29:02 GMT
I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying: "Hi, how are you?" I'm not the type to start a conversation in the restroom but I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed, "Doin' just fine!" And the other person says: "So what are you up to?" What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say: "Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling!" At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question. "Can I come over?" Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell them, "No........I'm a little busy right now!!!" Then I hear the person say nervously..."Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions!!!"
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Post by evospi on Apr 5, 2006 11:40:20 GMT
One more...
Two old men are out in the woods hunting when suddenly one of them grabs his chest and falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"
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Post by evospi on Apr 5, 2006 11:40:44 GMT
Yet another
There are two guys with really short memories, and theyre hanging out at the beach. Im gonna call em Bill and Bob.
Bob: "Fancy an icecream? Im gonna go over and get one." Bill: "Sure, but dont you wanna write it down, youre bound to forget. Bob: "No Im sure Ill remember" Bill: "I want a vanilla icecream with a flake, hundred-and-thousands and raspberry sauce. You better write it, youre gonna forget!" Bob: "I wont, look you want a vanilla icecream with a flake, hundred-and-thousands and raspberry sauce, see I remember!"
So Bill agrees, and Bob sets of to the icecream van. 20 mins go by, 30 mins, its been a whole hour when eventually Bob comes back, with 2 plates of fish and chips.
Bill: "I knew it, I told you to write it down, I just knew you'd forget..." Bob: "What?" Bill: "You forgot the ketchup!"
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Post by evospi on Apr 5, 2006 11:41:09 GMT
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Post by chrisfinch on Apr 5, 2006 12:26:54 GMT
Yet another There are two guys with really short memories, and theyre hanging out at the beach. Im gonna call em Bill and Bob. Bob: "Fancy an icecream? Im gonna go over and get one." Bill: "Sure, but dont you wanna write it down, youre bound to forget. Bob: "No Im sure Ill remember" Bill: "I want a vanilla icecream with a flake, hundred-and-thousands and raspberry sauce. You better write it, youre gonna forget!" Bob: "I wont, look you want a vanilla icecream with a flake, hundred-and-thousands and raspberry sauce, see I remember!" So Bill agrees, and Bob sets of to the icecream van. 20 mins go by, 30 mins, its been a whole hour when eventually Bob comes back, with 2 plates of fish and chips. Bill: "I knew it, I told you to write it down, I just knew you'd forget..." Bob: "What?" Bill: "You forgot the ketchup!" I like that joke. The version i know is with an old man and woman and the man comes back with a fry up, and the woman says "Where's my toast".
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Post by Hurricane on Apr 5, 2006 15:32:01 GMT
Fish MarketOne day there was a blind man walking down the street and he smelled oranges, so he bought some fruit. He smelled some pastries, so he bought some donuts. Then he walked passed a fish market, took a hard sniff, and said, "Hello ladies!" (sry girls )
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Post by Nick McRae on Apr 6, 2006 14:00:30 GMT
Yet another There are two guys with really short memories, and theyre hanging out at the beach. Im gonna call em Bill and Bob. Bob: "Fancy an icecream? Im gonna go over and get one." Bill: "Sure, but dont you wanna write it down, youre bound to forget. Bob: "No Im sure Ill remember" Bill: "I want a vanilla icecream with a flake, hundred-and-thousands and raspberry sauce. You better write it, youre gonna forget!" Bob: "I wont, look you want a vanilla icecream with a flake, hundred-and-thousands and raspberry sauce, see I remember!" So Bill agrees, and Bob sets of to the icecream van. 20 mins go by, 30 mins, its been a whole hour when eventually Bob comes back, with 2 plates of fish and chips. Bill: "I knew it, I told you to write it down, I just knew you'd forget..." Bob: "What?" Bill: "You forgot the ketchup!" I really don't get this joke, haha. Anyone explain it for me!?!?!
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Post by evospi on Apr 6, 2006 14:33:57 GMT
Keep contributing people _______________________________________________________________________ A husband was in deep trouble for forgetting his wife's birthday. She gave him an ultimatum: she told him there better be something in the driveway that goes from zero to 200 in 2 seconds or else. The next day, there was a package in the driveway. She bent down and opened it up. To her surprise there was a new bathroom scale. Funeral arrangements for the husband will be on Saturday.
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Post by Curt on Apr 6, 2006 14:57:04 GMT
I really don't get this joke, haha. Anyone explain it for me!?!?! Read the first part of the joke: "There are two guys with really short memories"
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Post by Nick McRae on Apr 6, 2006 16:35:40 GMT
Keep contributing people _______________________________________________________________________ A husband was in deep trouble for forgetting his wife's birthday. She gave him an ultimatum: she told him there better be something in the driveway that goes from zero to 200 in 2 seconds or else. The next day, there was a package in the driveway. She bent down and opened it up. To her surprise there was a new bathroom scale. Funeral arrangements for the husband will be on Saturday.
That's a great Joke! Thanks Curt, now I get it!
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Post by Hurricane on Apr 6, 2006 20:43:16 GMT
A very stupid joke: What's red and sitting in a tree? A nest of firetrucks....
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